In Part One we defined Gossip as any type of harmful or hurtful communication that is not absolutely necessary to share and mentioned some of its dangerously negative results. Over the first two segments, we looked at the first seven ways we could turn potential negative speech into positive speech, becoming a lot more effective and value-based in the process.
Let’s look at the final three of ten.
8. Honesty Really Is the Best Policy. Be careful to always tell the truth, unless it will unnecessarily hurt others, break your own privacy or in some other way cause needless pain or anguish.
Yes, strive for honesty in everything you do. But, if it’s between honesty and unnecessarily hurting another’s feelings, it’s better not to be so truthful. Those who boast about being “brutally honest” are usually more interested in being brutal than they are in being honest. Honesty, mixed with tact and kindness, is a recipe that typically serves well.
9. Learn to say “I’m Sorry.” Everyone makes mistakes. If you’ve spoken badly about someone, clear it up immediately.
It might be embarrassing, but get it over with quickly. Apologize, ask for forgiveness, and let him or her know it won’t happen again. By the way, if bringing up your mistake to that person will only hurt them more, then don’t apologize, but commit to not ever doing it again.
10. Forgive. If you have been wronged, let it go.
Forgive for your sake, if not for theirs. Those who can forgive live healthier, happier, and less stressful lives. Those who say they’ll “forgive but not forget” are actually saying that they’ll neither forgive nor forget.
Try these ten pathways for the next month. The good news is, if you slip up now and then, it only means you are human. Try again. I congratulate you simply for making the effort.
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The above is based on the book, GOSSIP: Ten Pathways to Eliminate It From Your Life and Transform Your Soul, which I was privileged to coauthor with Lori Palatnik
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OOps, I am so guilty of #10! However, I am not guilty of saying “forgive but not forget”. I am guilty of this when (oddly enough) someone spreads gossip about me or speak ill of me. If that person confronts me and apologizes, I forgive and forget. But, if that person goes on ignoring me I don’t go out of my way to try and make things right. I have held grudges for years sometimes, even with my brother and next door neighbor. S.O.S.
Joe
Joe, not only was #10 very difficult for me to master . . . I *still* haven’t mastered it. I’m 1000 times better than I used to be in this regard, but that’s not saying much because one of my most negative character traits for much of my life was holding grudges. Like you, I was quick to forgive if/when they apologized but, if not, wow; it stayed with me. And, as the saying goes, it was “as if I drank a cup of poison and expected the *other* person to suffer.” It was during my study of gossip and my decision to eradicate gossip from my life that I also made the decision to work on being a better “forgiver AND forgetter.” As mentioned, I’m not all the way there yet. However, to the degree that I’ve improved in that area, that’s the degree that my life is filled with much more peace, much less stress and much more happiness. Knowing you as I do, Joe, I know you are working on it, as well. Take pleasure in the fact that you are doing so. The results will come.
Thanks Bob for these ten “commandments” to an improved social environment.
I spent years in a corporate environment, where people were judged by the gossip about them, more than by their actual value and contribution. One of my colleagues once told me that people are willing to believe any lie or fabrication about anyone, if you take the trouble to repeat it enough times. Only after extracting myself from corporate life, embarking upon a journey of soul searching, looking for ways to improve my life, and the lives of those around me, did I realize how poisonous and destructive that environment was.
Becoming independent allowed me to choose how to build my relationships and my business environment. Building a team gave me the opportunity to create group dynamics that focused on the positive and empowering. I feel blessed for having found mentors, like yourself, who constantly contribute to helping me on this journey. I too, am not all the way there yet, but I do take pleasure in the fact that I am working on it. And, looking back, I see how much ground I have already covered.
Thanks again for your contribution!
Thank you for your wonderful words of wisdom. It always helps to get reminded that we should treat others as we would like to be treated.
Since I have been blessed with the responsibility of raising a child, I must hold myself to a higher standard in order to set an example for him and I always welcome and appreciate guidance.
One of the hardest things is to forgive whenever someone has caused you pain. However, as I have recently discovered, it is extremely liberating to “get over it”…the hurt no longer dominates your thoughts and it actually makes you feel at peace whenever you ask God to bless the person who was hurtful. It is also important that we forgive ourselves and that is something that I find to be a bit of a struggle.
Thank you for always sharing your wise and uplifting thoughts, Bob.
FYI: Just buried the hatchet with my neighbor. Six months of no talking has ended. I feel so much better!
Thank you, Osnat and Sandy. Wise and kind words from you both, indeed.
Joe, I’m so proud of you, my friend. I’d love to do a blog post just on that, if you wouldn’t mind.