A reader asked if I would post an article on, what he called, “business courtesy.” His premise is that, since we now have a huge number of communication media at our disposal, common courtesies such as returning phone calls, emails and other communiqués should be a no-brainer. Yet, he claims, we have – as a people – become ruder and ruder in this regard.
Though I’m not sure the level of rudeness is any greater than it ever was (because, actually, if often was), I still think he brings up an excellent point. What’s interesting to me is that in discussing this with some friends, the responses – from those who actually returned my calls, emails and tweets – 🙂 were framed mainly in terms of time management. While that’s important – and certainly an area in which I myself certainly need improvement – I think the problem itself runs a lot deeper. I don’t believe time management is the core issue.
In my opinion, this actually has less to do with time management and technology and more to do with what one values. For example, everyone knows I return all telephone calls and emails and – assuming I’m in town or have access to email – I do it on a timely basis. Right or wrong, it is a value of mine; it’s something I believe is important and thus it happens.
On the other hand – and this is a biggie – my sense of time-management stinks and I definitely need to better manage the way I respond so that it allows me to be as productive as possible. I can easily get caught in the “non-productivity via non-productive communication” mode.
Others simply don’t place a value on this. It’s the way they are, it aligns with their value system, and that’s just the way it is. Some of them are not as successful as they could be because of this. Others are extremely successful – in my opinion – in spite of this. However, they are equal-opportunity “non-responders” so, you either like them or you don’t; you do business with them or you don’t; you associate with them or you don’t, by your own choosing; understanding that’s simply the rules they live by.
The ones that perhaps…for lack of a better term…offend my sensibilities are those who are “selective responders.” These are the people who respond only to those they feel can “do something” for them or serve their own agendas in some way. Of course, many would say that the person doing that is simply wise. Obviously, since it runs contrary to my personal philosophy, I would disagree.
I do believe that it is important to manage our time correctly and certainly not be a slave to every person who tries and contact us for their own agenda.
My feeling, though, is that, while modern technology has actually made time even scarcer because it’s given us so much more to do (again, my opinion only), it also makes it quite simple and painless to at least courteously respond, even if it’s just a quick email (NOT an autoresponder).
Depending upon the situation, it could say something like, “I’m so sorry; time right now doesn’t permit me to have a detailed correspondence. However, please know that it’s nothing personal and, if you can briefly provide me with some basic information, I can then determine if we should take it to the next level.”
With someone with whom you have an already familiar relationship it might be, “Pat, I’m sorry; have some time challenges at the moment, but didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you. 🙂 ”
With that said, by and large, I find I can always take at least two or three minutes to speak with someone who really wants to speak with me. I do find myself more and more having to politely set “time boundaries” before these calls. And, that seems to work just fine.
Again, though; I’m really not sure I have this one completely correct and I’d love to know your opinion.
Enjoy this post? Receive an update when our next post is published by entering your best email address below and clicking Get Updates.
Great insight on a concern that many of us share. I think we are all overwhelmed due to the ease of communication in this day and age. For instance, often I will subscribe to twitter feeds through the #followfriday recommendations. I know nothing about them except that they were recommended. Some have auto-responders set up to ask you a question or to respond back to them…. I don’t know them yet, so I’m not sure how to respond!
Social networking is a web that can strangle you for time.
I was just telling Courtney that I love the way you’re accessible to the people who contact you, but you’re still able to put boundaries on your time. This is something I’m still working on too: sometimes I put responses off and never get around to it; other times I let other people eat up the better half of my workday.
If you come across any tools to make it easier, keep us posted!
This is a timely message. Something you said recently about how when you wrote Endless Referrals there was no Twitter or Facebook etc. caused me to ponder about how we can just text or fire off a quick response. You have established the bar about relationship and responding to each person individually. You have shown all of us what is possible if we decide to do it. I still maintain that we will do what is important. Harv Eker author of millionaire mind coined the phrase… how you do anything is how you do everything. If people are our primary focus then we find a way to respond and do it well! If money is more important then who we are will always show up! We do what is most important to us and yes I do believe we can decide to do better and seek help and training from others who are in our life as mentors. You are truely one of those top mentors! Thank You for all you do
Great points Bob (as always)! While I find it difficult to respond to everything that I read or message that comes my way, I respond. Sometimes later than I’d like, but with the “Time Challenges” (I love that) suggestion I should improve….now I just need to be cautious so I don’t use that phrase and not get back to someone. Most of the people posting on this blog know me…it’s kind of hard for me to hold back (LOL). After-all isn’t our ability to communicate one of the behaviors that separates us from the primates?
Joe
Great post (as always!) Bob! I believe that you are correct in that it comes down to what you value most. Am I putting my need for “convenience” before your need for an answer? It cracks me up when I call someone and get a voicemail greeting that says “I’ll get back to you at my earliest convenience” ! What message does that send? For me it says “I’ll call you back when I feel like it! When it’s good for ME”. That doesn’t make me feel “warm and fuzzy”! What’s ironic is most people “don’t have time” because they are busy “being productive”, which in their mind is: finishing that newsletter, or some other “task” which will ultimately “produce” a customer/sale. How ironic! It’s like saying “I don’t have time to talk to those potential customers, I’ve got to finish this____, so I can get some potential customers!” LOL!
Time management AND Task management ARE issues! Anything can be a time waster! It comes down to your purpose and intent! What’s important to you? The average American watches TV from 6-11pm every night! That’s 35hrs/wk!
When I teach social media classes, I often hear “I don’t have time for twitter, I waste too much time on facebook already!” Doing what? Adding value? These tools enable us to provide more value to more people in LESS time than we ever could before! I see these people on facebook! NO wonder they don’t have time! They are doing quizzes, and having food fights! That’s fine if you count that as your “entertainment time”, but it’s not providing value to anyone but you! Spend just 10 minutes of that time every day giving to someone else and acknowledging others by responding to them, commenting on their photo or day, etc. and the PRODUCT of that time will be far greater (IMHO!) in the long run!
We all get to choose what we make time for, and you Sir, are an inspiration to us all!
Hi Bob, I agree with you that it boils down to one’s values. By that, I just mean what is important to you. For some people, prompt and courteous communication is simply not a priority. To be kind, communication may not be their natural strength, or behavioral style. There is always the element that the person doesn’t know quite what to say or how to approach the situation. Or that the call-back or reply requires further research and sometimes people delay returning communication based on that. Regardless, I still find lack of response or very late response to a constant frustration when trying to move something forward. It is difficult to force someone to get back to you. I have tried a barrage of emails or messages which sometimes makes the person stall even longer 🙁 I guess I was fortunate when my very first boss did me an awesome service by telling me that in a best case scenario, it is best practices, that a call should be returned an hour, if not, the absolute latest you can return a call is 24 hrs later, unless you’re in the hospital 😉 Once again, thanks for the blog topic and excellent suggestions.
Everyone following your blog posts and tweets, myself included, knows how prompt you are in responding to your readers. But there are very few successful and busy people like you, who do. Prompt and courteous communication either is, or is not, a value to people, and this dictates their habits in responding. However, since the whole point of Social Media is to develop relationships, how can anyone develop a relationship without responding to personally directed messages?
Time management is another issue altogether, one which I too am struggling with. But it would never occur to me to “save time” by refraining from returning a call, or ignoring a message.
With all the communicating going on today, this post is very timely, and the comments above provide added value and insights. Thank you 🙂
Just a note to say thank you to all of you who provided comments on the article. As I look back through your comments I see great wisdom in them and they all help fit together the pieces of the puzzle. In speaking with various people and seeing responses to this article on various sites, I do believe there’s more to it than I even wrote, and that it comes down to a combination of values, intent, and time-management skills. I believe that – for now – I still see the person’s “values” (in terms of the importance THEY put on responding) as being the key. Yet, I don’t think it is necessarily as “black and white” as I implied in the blog post. More on this in subsequent articles. Thank you *very much* again.
I love your blog and suggestions and also all the great comments. Truth: I am not great at returning phone calls promptly. I am working on that. (probably not hard enough, but I think this blog post will have a real affect in my future phone endeavors.) I have a hard time agreeing that It is because it is not a value of mine. I value my relationships above all else. Or so I thought. I heard that others have many distractions and travel and time issues and yet they still attend to returning calls right away, which is awesome and I can learn a lot from the blog as well as all the comments. I will work on my mind set and aligning my value with the actions that I take to back it up. This was most valuable and a real eye opener for me.
Thank you!!!! Keep up the excellent work!
Hi Helen, regarding your thought that begins:
“I have a hard time agreeing that It is because it is not a value of mine. I value my relationships above all else.”
Absolutely. And, I believe that in my article I was much too “black and white” about it. The fact is, it can be a high value yet there can be things that happen from time-to-time that simply get in the way. And, there are now so many ways for people to contact others that; well, in my case, I know I’m not as consistently “quick on the draw” as I used to be. In a future post we’ll see if – utilizing the advice of some experts, we can look at some ways to use time management tools and techniques in order to make the process a bit more workable.
I do believe that, all-in-all, our actions tend to reflect what we value. Still, it’s not 100%. So, I take full responsibility for not making that clear.
Also, I want to make sure and qualify that – when I use the term “values” in this context – I’m not talking about “good values vs. bad values” as much as what an individual values in terms of importance. This doesn’t have anything to do with what you wrote about, Helen, but I do want to make sure I haven’t used a term in a way that can be taken as though I’m “insulting one’s values” or one’s value system. 🙂
The Blog and the comments were all excellent.
There are so many “rules” that I have made up in my head. And some that I’ve learned from various “Netiquette Guidelines” over time.
I, sometimes, get emails from people who ask, “Did you get my email?”
And I hate to admit it, but there are times that I read it, I have the intent to acknowledge it, and the phone rings or something else happens, and I forget.
I alway apologize, but there are times that I can tell the person is hurt. Most of the time, it’s best for me to just be honest…
“I cannot believe I forgot to get right back with you. I meant to, but I got a phone call. Please forgive my forgetfulness.”
I try to be careful with what I respond with in that setting, because there are people who question their importance in relationships easily. And some of those very same people are just as busy as I am…if not more so. All of them are just as important.
One of the best things I read just recently is “Remember that the recipient is a human being whose culture, language, and humor have different points of reference from your own.”
As for you, Bob, you are a Master at being there for so many. I am amazed!
Thank you, Pamela. You’re insights are always excellent. Yes, different people come at it from different points of view, including how *they* are responded to. And, that’s always good to keep in mind. Thank you, my friend.
After spending the day with two wonderful people whom I consider “real” and “true” friends, something else occurred to me as it relates to business courtesy.
Although responding promptly is definitely an element of business courtesy, I think there’s another element, too, that has become important in this brave new world of social media: being PROACTIVE in communications — not just responsive.
So many business people I know, many whom I have more than an online relationship with, will never respond to posts or tweets, or drop an email just to check in. They only proactively communicate with people whom they consider “in their league” or who have enough “star power” where they think they can gain some sort of business benefit by regularly, publicly, and proactively connecting with those individuals. They only respond to the “non stars” if you tweet them DIRECTLY and ask a DIRECT question, or FB them, or email them. Worse, the only time they proactively connect with you is when they need a business favor, or if they see a BUSINESS BENEFIT to responding. They never retweet your stuff –EVEN WHEN YOU ARE PROMOTING THEIR BUSINESS. That leads to a lot of shallow, superficial relationships. People who don’t proactively communicate — and not just respond when prodded — really are speaking volumes about how little they respect you as a person, and how little they value your business relationship. Many now seem to only proactively communicate with people whom they consider “in their league.”
Now certainly no one can proactively communicate with ALL of their Twitter followers or FB friends. But if you don’t proactively connect on a regular basis with people whom you have more than a casual relationship, then you are really saying that you don’t value the person, you don’t respect the person, and that person is “beneath” you. So remember that there is a proactiveness — not just responsiveness — that should be included in “business courtesy.” And that person whom you may consider “not in your league” may someday be in a position to help you.
Very true, Vicki. And, you bring up another great point; people notice these things. And, to the degree one feels or believes that they are thought of as “unimportant” or “unworthy” to another, they will probably resent that person and – I’d assume – not buy from them or be anxious to speak highly of them (refer their work) to others.
And, knowing you as I do; that you are a very successful business author and consultant on the topic of persuasion and what moves people to “get behind” someone, it sounds as though you are saying a lot of people are probably “missing the boat” in this regard.
It seems that, from what you’re saying is that if someone is going to have a presence on social media, they probably best serve themselves by being willing to engage others; including those they don’t feel are on their “level.” Would that be an accurate assessment of your thoughts?
Thank you for sharing.
I sure know first hand that you walk the talk. 🙂 Had the proof today.
Thanks for following up to my emails (your co-workers did too, BTW) and for sharing this. When I got your message, I was working at the computer, trying to enhance my time management and inserting time slots to better answer to all my messages. This must have been some type of synchronicity.
Have a good day, Bob.
Talk to you soon.
Nadia
Bob this is a great repost. Thank for sharing it again. One thing I find interesting is many times the individuals that don’t return calls are themselves salespeople. Ironicly, they don’t have time to talk to another salessperson. According to the law of attraction, you receive what you send out. If people aren’t returning your calls we should make sure we are returning the calls of others.
That was an excellent post, Bob. For most of us it is difficult to keep up with email and I have found that some emails and tweets may not get answered as quickly as possible. Your post made it clear that to keep our relationships we must respond and respond quickly. To answer or not is a conscious decision that we make with every message we get. It’s a decision we can change in an instant. Thank you for encouraging us to make the right decision.
Great topic Bob. Who isn’t this relevant to? I work 2 hrs a day for Tony Robbins & Chet Holmes – Business Breakthroughs International, and there is a big piece on this in our CEO Mastery Training. I’ve taken it and my biggest breakthrough was definitely around managing myself in time. Here was my big take away.
1) Schedule ‘Got-a-minute’ meetings in your day for people to interrupt you and to take calls. 2) Have 2 or 3 at most scheduled times for email, as every email look takes an ave of 15 mins away. 3) Write your 6 (must be 6) biggest tasks for the next day. Next, figure out how much time they’ll take. FINALLY (and only then) assign times of the day to do them.
I am still learning to be consistent with this, but WOW has it changed my whole game. I’m talking like given me three times as much time.
Here is a detailed article by Chet Holmes himself on this for you and your readers Bob. If anyone wants further information they of course can connect with me: http://www.chetholmes.com/articles/timemanagement1.pdf
Great topic Bob and it reminds me of Earl Nightingale’s (via Ivy Lee~an efficiency expert who was paid $25K for this idea by Charles Schwab) advice and is similar to what David (above) talks about. At night I make a list of ALL the tasks I need to do tomorrow. Then I choose the top 6 goal-achieving activities and put them in order of importance. Next morning i get to work on #1 and stay with it until it’s either complete, or I’ve taken it as far as I can. Then I move on #2 and so on. I may not get through all 6 each day, but it helps me focus on the most important tasks first. I actually had this sheet made into pads at Kenkos and I give them to clients as we work on time management, and most find it very helpful. It’s the best system I’ve found, and I’ve tried many. As Earl said “No one manages time; time can’t be managed. We merely manage activities”
Sorry for rambling here…too much caffeine this AM
PS. I am always impressed at how quickly you respond and it inspires me to do the same :o)