In his excellent book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen Covey cites Habit Number Five as, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Excellent advice. That one point will make everyone’s relationships much more, well…effective.
Complementary to that habit, it’s equally important to be sure that, in communicating your point, you do so in such a way that the other person understands you and what you mean to say.
I often suggest that when it comes to effective communication, the onus is always on us to be sure the other person understands our point/want/need. I’ll be forever grateful to one of my early mentors who told me, “Burg, when the shooter misses the target, it ain’t the target’s fault.”
We can’t expect others to put that burden of understanding on themselves so, if our goal is to be the most effective, positively powerful persuader we can be, we must accept that responsibility.
While keeping the importance of tact and diplomacy in mind, it’s imperative to be so clear in your message that there’s little or no chance of misinterpretation. In other words, avoid giving mixed messages.
What is a mixed message? Actually there are different types. Today, let’s focus on one. This is when a person says one thing, but follows it up with an “opposite.” For example, you say to your employee, “Al, I definitely need the specs by this Friday, but don’t rush if it’s going to mean a substandard job.”
Well, what exactly does this mean? Is Friday the deadline, or is excellence the top priority? What if, for whatever reason, both deadline and top quality are not possible? If Al doesn’t know enough (or know how) to ask for clarification, you might receive specs that are too late to present to your prospect, or not up to quality standards.
How do you ensure that *you* don’t fall victim to a mixed message? Simply by putting the onus of clarification on yourself. This is easiest when using an “I message.”
For example, imagine your boss tells you, “I definitely need the specs by this Friday, but don’t rush if it’s going to mean a substandard job.” You can say, “Mary, just for my own clarification, as I want to make sure and deliver the specs in the way you want them delivered, is it more important to you that…” and complete the question.
So, remember, it’s up to us to be sure our message is understood by the recipient, and that we understand their message. And, there’s nothing “mixed” about that. 🙂
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I’m glad you were prompted to finish the article by
RT @SerendipityJane: If you’re a PRO – you can’t be a PRO-crastinator! {Bob’s note to self: write next article NOW!}
Keep up the outstanding job, you are AMAZ.I.N.G. and just call on me if you need
more Z.I.N.G.
ZEAL
INSPIRATION
NEW IDEAS
GUIDANCE
Make yours a sparkling day!
Lydia
LOL. Thank you, Lydia, for inspiring me via your “tweet on twitter” (see above) to get past my writer’s block procrastination and just “git’ it done.” 🙂
Lydia and I connected on twitter yesterday (http://www.twitter.com/SerendipityJane) after I saw her 140-character tweet that helped me get myself “in-gear” and get the article written. Lydia’s website is http://life-procoaching.com/blog/?p=27.
I really like what you`ve written here – an emphasis on one aspect of the “simple” process of communicating. Everyone tends to take this process for granted, but our ability to communicate clearly, and to be understood, is a major determining factor in the overall quality of our lives. This discussion is major, and I look forward to more, on the various aspects of communication. 🙂
Gee wiz, hold on while I choke on this huge piece of humble pie. It wasn’t “his” close mindedness as much as my inability to communicate it!
Osnat, thank you. I greatly appreciate your kind feedback!
Amy, we’ve all (at least I have) been there. 🙂
Bob,
Another friend of mine was asking a similar question. Specifically about sending mixed messages with your business marketing. For example, sending a card saying “Happy Birthday” or even just “Keeping in touch” and then finishing it off with “I appreciate your referrals” or “Come in for our big sale.” We decided that was a “no no” of a mixed message; using a personal reason to promote the business.
On the other hand, we agreed that a business message “Special offer” that also contained a personal add-on “Hi, haven’t seen you in a while, hope all is well.” etc. would be fine.
It’s a subtle thing that I think would be hard to master.
Beth