Let’s face it; as residents of this earth, no matter who we are, what we do, or who we know, there are times when we have to deal with those difficult people who might — for whatever reason — choose to stand in the way of our pursuit of happiness. It might be something big, such as getting the proper attention for a loved one in a hospital.
Then again, it could be something simply annoying such as having to deal with a local government bureaucrat who wants you to “jump through hoops” for the permit allowing you to build an addition to your home. Or, it could be your prospect’s “gate-keeper” doing his or her best to keep you from speaking to their boss.
Regardless, it’s incumbent upon us to know when this is the case, and to always remember that we have the choice (yep, we really do) as to how we are going to communicate with another person.
Which reminds me of a story: It seems a formal and very fancy black-tie affair was being held at a major hotel which included a number of dignitaries. One of them, a United States Senator noticed that at his table-setting there was only a single pat of butter next to his roll.
Dismissively, and with a wag of his index finger, he summoned the waiter. “Young man, bring me another pat of butter.”
A bit taken aback but having to feign politeness, the waiter replied, “I’m sorry sir, it’s only one pat of butter per setting.”
Annoyed, the important guest said, “I would like another one anyway; bring me another pat of butter.”
“I’m sorry” countered the waiter, “We’re a bit short tonight; it’s just one pat of butter per setting.”
Now totally put off and offended, the VIP demanded, “Young man, do you know who I am? I happen to be the senior senator from the state of New Jersey.”
To which, the waiter replied, “And, do you know who I am? I’m the guy who controls the butter.” 🙂
Now, really, I have no idea if that ever actually happened, and every time I’ve ever heard the story the Senator is from a different state and sometimes has an entirely different vocation.
However, the lesson is clear: Speaking respectfully is not only the right way to communicate with others; it is often the difference between getting what you want, need or desire … or creating an enemy that can make your life (if even just a tiny part of it) unnecessarily difficult.
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While speaking respectfully is not only the right thing to do, it always seems common sense. I’m frequesntly amazed at the number of times I’m waiting in a line and the person in front of me becomes rude for no apparent reason. This seems to be most common at the airport and since we’re all the person behind the counter’s mercy; doesn’t it make sense to be polite to him or her? I’ve certainly gotten further in many situations because of a kind word. Anyone I meet will be spoken to and treated with my utmost respect… until they do something that commands otherwise.
Bob, you are so right on, as usual. I used to look upon the butter controllers as frustrating and small-minded souls who seemed to delight in aggravating people who had more important things to focus on.
I learned a valuable lesson one day from an attendant at a business establishment. She was particularly adamant that her hoop must be jumped through before we could proceed to the necessary transaction. I was running late and had little patience. But then I suddenly really saw her, saw the expression in her eyes, her posture, and I slowed down.
When I simply asked a couple of questions, she relaxed. She told me when people need something they perceive her as being the obstacle to getting what they want, and many become rude and unreasonable. “You’ve no idea the amount of abuse that comes with this job,” she said. In truth she saw her work as serving the public. She understood people’s frustration, but could not help them navigate the hoops when they reacted without thinking.
As you so often teach, when we treat someone with respect, it creates grace in moments of stress. It takes far less time to be gracious and it leaves a good feeling between people.
What a great lesson, Bob. I can hear you telling the story as I read it. Your stories are always powerful, entertaining, educational and illustrative. Thanks for always sharing such great advice. You rock! -Steve Dorfman, Washington, DC
Hi Brian; Hi Darlynn, I agree with you both. Excellent points!! (that was one exclamation point for each of you) 🙂
Bob, I love this story. It’s a great reminder to your story about getting through customs. Since I traveled this week through customs, I kept it in mind. I want you to know, I didn’t even have the need to use the premise. I think doors open eaiser for us if we are even in the mindset to treat others with respect. You are awesome. Keep up the good work.
Thank you, my friend, for your very kind comments. I agree with you; when the correct mindset is there – and you choose to see the other person as helpful – they are more likely to pick up on those thoughts/feelings and respond in kind. Always? No, not always, but about 99 percent of the time. The other one percent is when you utilize a specific teaching in this area.