Is it just me, or do you find it a bit annoying when someone “friends” you on Facebook and then asks you what you do (i.e. what line of work you are in)…when you’ve posted a description on your Facebook Info Page?
Now, before you think I’m just being “nitpicky” let me ‘splain (“Oh Luuucy, I’m home. You’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do.”) 🙂
As you know, I’m all for focusing on the other person and finding out about them and how you can add value to their lives. And, of course, when meeting someone in person for the first time, it’s proper and important to ask what they do. From there you are indeed in a position to ask the “Feel-Good” questions and “One Key Question” that will immediately communicate value.
However . . . in online social media such as Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter, the person typically has this information right on their site, so there’s no reason to ask.
My opinion (and, just my opinion. Please don’t feel the need to agree. Please do feel free to let me know otherwise in the Comments section) is that to ask a person who has listed what they do…“what do you do?” shows a bit of, laziness at best, and insincerity at worst.
My friend, Art Sobczak, perhaps the world’s premiere teacher of tele-selling suggests that asking {a prospect} anything that can easily be researched is most definitely going to set you back in that person’s mind. I agree. In this case, it’s just too simple to know what the person does and is not a good starting place.
I politely suggested this to the last person who asked me this question immediately after “friend connecting” with me on Facebook, assuming he didn’t know that he could easily find out a person’s job or profession by checking out their Info Page. He wrote back saying about himself (I’m paraphrasing), “Bob, I am different. I ask because I want to find out how excited a person gets answering that question and perhaps I can bless them.”
Perhaps. But he can also first take the time to find out what the person does, and then write, “I notice you are a ___________. That sounds fascinating. How did you get started in that line of work?” Or, “What do you enjoy most about what you do?” And then, “How can I know if I come across someone who would be a good prospect or connection for you.”
Anyway, that’s my story (or, at least, opinion) . . . and I’m sticking to it, UNLESS enough of you tell me I’m incorrect. In which case, I’ll revisit my thoughts and not necessarily stick to it. 🙂
What do you think?
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Bob,
Very good suggestions! Thank you
I completely agree. Why is anyone asking to be a “friend” if they don’t know you or know something about you? I don’t think I would accept a request unless the person showed some sort of interest in getting to know me (at least read my info-like you stated). Otherwise, it just looks like they are requesting friends so they can increase their number of friends.
I’m with you on this one Bob and I’ll ‘splain why. Although I can understand and appreciate his response to you, I must say.. there had to have been a REASON for him to to want to connect with you. Was it a mutual friend? Was it a comment he saw you had made on someone’s page? Was it just your photo? Whatever the reason, something must have interested him enough to ‘friend you’ or find you. You can’t tell me he most likely didn’t google your name and didn’t know something about you. I can’t believe that there are many people who just request to be a friend on facebook without knowing something about you already.
He could have asked the mutual friend what you do for a living and request your friendship by saying “i have heard you’re a networking genius, can you explain more to me about what it is you do and how?”.
It’s always nice to make someone you want to be-friend feel interested in the request. By saying “what do you do?” well, that to me sounds too much like “i’m looking for a friend..let’s see if you interest me enough”.
And…if he’s that clueless he COULD have said “Hi Bob, It would be great to connect with you. What is it about what you do that makes you love what you do?”
Hey, that’s just my .02 cents!
Thank you, Pam, for your .02 cents. Worth a lot more than that to me, though. 🙂
Thank you, Jo ANN.
I feel the same way on this topic as you do Bob.
It is not easy to write profiles and when someone takes the time to do that, it shows respect and interest to take the time to read it and only ask questions to elaborate on the information we have already gathered.
So no throwing stones at you Bob, at least this thing. You are safe, from me at least 🙂
Now I can hear you breathing again, 🙂
Thank you for the great suggestions!
Hey Bob!
In order to tell you you are incorrect you would have to start posting entries that are not right on the mark! 🙂 It’s too easy to click on a person’s website link on a twitter, facebook, etc page & find a wealth of info. If there is a blog, all the better as you can get an even better sense of the person. Hopefully folks will see this for what it is, another opportunity to truly get to know others rather than empty small talk & chatter.
See you next month!
Bob-
Very well said! Since this is a new form of communication, I know that several people do not understand the impact they have when reaching out through Facebook or other social media. Just as people have to be trained on how to network offline effectively, they also need to be trained on how to do it online. This blog is a great first conversation.
BTW, well done on answering comments on your own blog. Keeping this conversational by participating is one of those things that set you apart!
Hi Everyone, thank you for your comments.
Malaika, that pretty much hits it right on the nail for me. Even if their intention is good, it gives the “appearance” that yes, they are eithe too lazy to do the most basic of research (looking at your page) or are simply adding another notch to their “friends belt.”
Sandrine, you’re always kind, and my thanks for not throwing stones at me. My glass house wouldn’t be able to take it. 🙂
Teresa, thank you, as well, my friend, for your thoughtful comment.
Hi David, my apologies; your comment actually posted after I answered Malaika, Sandrine and Teresa, which is why you weren’t acknowledged in my previous response.
Thank you for your thoughts. Yes, in any new medium there are certain, for lack of better word, protocols. And, to make it even more confusing, not everyone agrees with every everyone else on what is correct. So, one reason for throwing out these ideas is simply for the discussion that ensues as we all figure it out together.
My thought in what I wrote is that when you have the basic information right in front of you or it can be easily found, it comes across much more genuine – not to mention – credible to look it up and approach the online conversation from that basis.
Thank you again, David, for your kind and complimentary words.
Bob –
I loved your post. In addition to your wonderful suggestions, I greatly appreciate it when a person puts his or her request to be my ‘friend’ into context. When I receive a ‘friend’ request without a personal note, I find myself trying to figure out or remember how I know that person. I love it when someone says, “I met you at the x conference,” or “I’ve read your book The Mom Inventors Handbook,” or “I’ve been on your website,” or “Our kids go to the same school,” or “A friend of a friend told me about you and I would like to explore ways we can work together.” When a personal note is sent, I often feel immediate gratitude towards that person for taking the time to provide the context for the request. Our lives are multifaceted and it helps to know which area of my life that person is requesting entry. Thanks again! Your blog posts are a gift. With gratitude, Tamara
I agree with you Bob, I think it shows laziness and non interest, not sincere interest anyway.
Bob, you are so right! Your advice and insights are always spot on and I learn so much from you.
What I have found though is that sometimes a persons profile does not tell me enough about them which is a great entre to learn more. So when a profile is not clear to me, I will ask the person I am interesting in learning more about to “tell me more.” I have found that little phrase a great conversation starter and have been very fortunate in making new friends and business associates that way. And I think I learned that from you, my friend!
Make it a great day… and then some.
warmest regards,
Heidi Richards Mooney, President of the Bob Burg Fan Club *SMILE
Thank you, Heidi. Yes, the statement, “Tell me more” is one of the most powerful and effective for drawing out the most and best in people and for establishing rapport … and the beginnings of the “know, like and trust” feelings toward you.
You mentioned learning that statement from me. Funny that while indeed it was in my book, “Endless Referrals”, I learned that phrase from Jeff Slutsky who learned it from Bill Bishop. Ain’t it great how we can all learn from each other? And, throughout the years, I’ve learned so much from you regarding how to market myself and a business.
Note from Bob: Super-entrepreneur Heidi Richards Mooney (http://speakingwithspirit.com/) will be one of our featured panelists on the “CEO Panel” at our upcoming Extreme Business Makeovers event in Orlando. Check it out at http://www.ExtremeBusinessMakeovers.com.
Thank you Heidi. You continue to be one of my life’s heroes!
I’m already doing this Bob, but thanks for the reminder. I’ll forward this to my good networking friends.
Yes! Great suggestion! “A brief thank you note” in return is a wonderful idea. These little things DO matter!
Thank you, Tamara. Excellent suggestion. And, as long as we’re on the topic, I must say that I’m amazed most do not do that. I’d bet that, perhaps (and I’m being overly optimistic here) 5 percent of the people who’ve requested a “friend connect” with me on Facebook have made the effort to put the invite into context. And, it’s so easy to do so; there’s is a window that pops up for you right there before you click sent.
Now, let’s look at the other end of things. When accepting a friend request, instead of just clicking accept and moving on, how about writing a brief little thank you note. It can be as simple as, “Hi Pat, thank you for connecting. Much appreciated.” Best Regards, Dave.
From personal experience, I can tell you how appreciated this is by a majority of people; many of whom have mentioned that I’m either the only one or one of the few who have done this (please don’t misunderstand; I’m not saying that to boast – just to make a point).
To comment on one other thing: while it is acceptable to make this acknowledgement of a friend-connect by posting on the person’s wall (and yes, many people do this) I think it is less effective for two reasons. One is because, since many people do this, it does nothing to separate you from the pack as does writing the personal message. Secondly, many people, by including their URL, offer of a free special report or something else, end up coning across very “I-focused” which, I believe is counter-productive.
Again, just more thoughts; not all of which need necessarily be agreed with.
Thank you again, Tamara. I thought your comments were excellent!
Note from Bob: Check out Tamara at http://www.MomInventors.com
Bob,
I agree with you here. I can understand that for some this may be the only opening line they have available to them. If that is the case, they need to purchase your books and read, read, and read again.
🙂 Thank you, Sandra!